And one more thing

For anyone who needs advice about how to survive a really boring class, just write some fluffy romance fanfiction about your friend and her crush who is literally 3 seats away from you. Or you could just write headcannons about your ships. Because obviously Steve Rogers showing Bucky Barnes how a popcorn machine works is waaaaaaay more important that whatever your math teacher's going on about lol.

Ahhhhh school

Wow, ok it's been like 25 million years since I posted. The last time I posted, dinosaurs were alive. The last time I posted, America wasn't even a concept. The last time I posted, the Sherlock fandom was slightly sane-ok that last one's a bit of an exaggeration. But I realize that it's been forever, and I'm sorry. But this time, I actually have a good and proper excuse. School.

Yup, that's right, for the last almost three weeks, I've been having to endure a special hell reserved for children and teenagers known as "School". (It actually hasn't been that bad for me-not yet at least) Now, this year, the phenomenon known as "Going Back To School" was especially terrifying for me, as I had spent the last two years doing Virtual School, which meant that all my classes were online. Needless to say, having to now go to a real school, with actual other people, actual teachers who might hate me/be incompetent, an actual schedule I have to follow, seven whole classes to navigate and figure out and get used to sitting through, ugh it was horrible. I was so nervous on the first day I was literally shaking.

I quickly realized, however, that even though there is a plethora of idiots, and some annoying teachers, and some horrifically boring subjects, there are a few nice people whom I get along with, and a few teachers who seem to actually know what they're doing. So that's reassuring.

So far the worst part about my entire school day has been waking up, and I don't even have to get up early. whiCH LEADS ME TO ANOTHER RANT!

For some stupid reason, some absolute spork (Yes I am using the name of a decidedly stupid eating utensil as an insult) decided that it would be a good idea for middle schools to start at 9:30. Now, you're probably going "Heather, why would you possibly be complaining? Isn't it great that you don't have to wake up for school insanely early?" It is. What's not great about it, though, is that we still have to be there for 6 hours and 45 minutes. Which means we don't get out until 4:15. Which is WAY TOO FREAKING LATE TO GET OUT OF SCHOOL OMG

Seriously it's ridiculous and annoying and horrible and I don't like it, and I would much much much much rather have to wake up at like 7:30 and get out at 2 because that just seems a lot more reasonable.

As for my teachers, I like them alright, they seem like they'll be ok teachers, if not wonderful people. Not that they like, murder people or anything, just that they're all a little weird. But anyway.

So yeah, I'm sorry that I haven't posted in 50 billion decades, I'll try to post more, I probably won't post a whole lot, because while I'm not in the hellhole :)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) I have to do homework. Come to think of it, I'm avoiding homework right now. Whoops. But I will try.

See you later internet.

Go Fund Me, Holy Trinity, novels, and other connected affairs

Ladedadeda I have some words to say.

So I'm in a bit of a predicament at the moment, because I want to go to a certain school in the worst way, but tuition there costs around $12,000 a year, and unfortunately my family can't afford to pay $12,000 for something I could get from public school. So, I've committed myself to coming up with the money on my own this year. 12,000 dollars is a lot for a teenager, I know. I will be doing various things to raise this money, and one of them is by using GoFundMe. You can find my account here. Seriously, any and all donations, no matter how small, are suuuuuper appreciated. Or any sort of publicity for it. Seriously. You give my $5 and I'll love you forever.

Something else I'm doing to try to make money this year is through some books that I'm currently working on. I haven't published any yet, but one's a book of poetry that's close to being done and the other is a novel currently in the planning stages. I'll update you guys with info about those as soon as they're done.

One more thing. If anyone has advice for me on how to raise money (without having an actual job, obviously, because that's considered child labor and is frowned upon in most societies), I would really appreciate hearing your suggestions.

(Insert clever, concise, perfect wrap up to my rambling trainwreck of a post)(Upon closer inspection of this post, I have realized that it was indeed, far less trainwreck-ish and rambling than the majority of my posts thus far)  
Bye bye <3

Paper Towns

OK SO I SAW PAPER TOWNS TWO DAYS AGO AND IVE BEEN GATHERING MY THOUGHTS AND I HAVE A LOT TO SAY ABOUT IT LIKE A LOT SO LETS HOPE THIS ISN'T A MILLION PAGES LONG

WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD. NOT HUGE SPOILERS BUT ENOUGH TO BE IMPORTANT.

The short review: It was really good.

And now...

The long review: Alright so the beginning of it was wonderful, it stayed very true to the book. It made me feel all the emotions that the book did, and set up the plot line and characters very well. There were a couple book-to-movie discrepancies later on in the movie, but they were small, relatively unimportant differences. The road trip was portrayed quite well. The only change that really made me upset was at the end, the scene where Q found Margo. It was supposed to take place in the little farmhouse type place she was living in. The dialogue and atmosphere of the scene was completely different. There were a lot of ideas and metaphors that emerged in that scene in the book, but that weren't there in the movie. I feel like a lot of the complexities and intricacies of the book weren't included in the movie. The ending was good and pretty true to the book. Overall, it was brilliant. The characters were portrayed well and the plot was great and made sense even without having read the book. It was funny and sad and emotional and cute and weird and a perfect blend of emotions.

In conclusion, you should probably go watch Paper Towns. It's a really great movie. And then read the book. That's more important. Books.

Also!

Also in my last post I forgot to say something about the fact that everyone can now get married in every state. So yeah, that was pretty awesome. I mean, it's about time. And it still frustrates me that there was even a law against same sex marriage in the first place, but hey, we're making progress. Whoop whoop!!

Updates and I'm reALLY SORRY I HAVEN'T POSTED IN 50 MILLION YEARS

Hi!
Ok I realize I haven't posted in about a month and that that's a long time. But I have reasons. Allow me to disclose them for you now
•Stuff hasn't really been happening in my life. Nothing interesting to blog about anyway.

That's it, that's the reason. Did I imply that there were than one? Whoops. That was a big fat lie. Yeah I've just been having a relatively boring life recently. Although my best friend just came down from Oklahoma which is suuuuuuper exciting cause I don't get to see her often. Let's see, what else has been happening...

•I ordered two novelizations of Avenger's comic books and they came today and I caNNOT WAIT TO READ THEM
•I read lots of painful Harry Potter headcannons and my love for Sirius subsequently strengthened
•I got 3 and a half hours of sleep and then waterskiied the next morning
•I got a new poster thing from Books A Million that's turquoise and vintage looking with a purple hat that says "we're all mad here" and I really love it a lot
•I discovered that I don't hate the word "Lover" as much as I used to
•I've been hardcore internet stalking my friend's friend who got annoyed when I texted him obsessively every minute of the day (I know, I don't get it either)
Andddddddd
•I felt bad about not posting anything on here
So thanks guys. I have literally 2 regular readers (that I know of...) and I felt guilty for not posting. And one of them I've seen dozens of times since the last post!! Www.whythinks.blogspot.com go read her blog it's great

Annnyyyywwwaaaayyyyyy
I hope you've been surviving without my unhelpful (but honestly pretty entertaining) posts. I promise to post sooner next time. Maybe I'll share some headcannons or fanfic with you soon. yAy! :D

-A purple alien monster who's only here to help

Nevermind

Quick, I need help! I need some riddles involving fire but the answer can't be fire. The harder the better.
Thanks <3

This post has been rendered moot by recent events, however riddles of any sort are always welcome here at A Simple Bloog. :)

Sacrificing your soul to dark and malevolent forces made easy

Yesterday, I went to the beach with some friends of mine, and then we all went to my house. We then proceeded to sacrifice my soul to demons, and I have to say, it was a lot of fun. I was thinking the experience over, and wondering why more people didn't do this, and I realized that some people might not know how to sacrifice their souls. So I would like to share my personal favorite method.

Step 1. Lie on a flat surface. It can be the floor, but I find that the process is much more satisfying if you are on a slightly raised platform. A low table or large ottoman is ideal.

Step 2. Have two to seven people surround the platform. The more the merrier, but any more than seven and the evil spirits may reject your soul.

Step 3. Play the iCarly theme song. Don't question it. It appeases the spirits.

Step 4. Have your friends walk around you, chanting "Carly, Carly, Carly" over and over.

Step 5. It is at this point that you may begin to experience the feeling of your soul leaving your body. It is a different experience for everyone, so I cannot tell you quite what to expect.

Step 6. Congrats, your soul has been sacrificed to evil forces!

Now, there are many methods of sacrificing your soul, this just happens to be my favorite. I've found that is yields consistent results, and is easy and cost effective. I hope you have fun sacrificing your soul!

Suprisingly Mature Thoughts About "The Heir" By Kiera Cass

TW: Spoilers Ahead


Yesterday, I began reading "The Heir' By Kiera Cass, the fourth in the Selection series, and today I finished. I wanted to chronicle what I thought of it, and mainly what I think of Eadlyn, the main character. Eadlyn is self centered, she is a control freak, she has built up walls around herself that she only lets a few people into, and even then, not all the way. She sometimes only hears what she wants to, and she can be blind to her flaws. She's not sweet by any stretch of the imagination, and she sometimes pushes people too hard. My points is, she's not perfect by any standards. I think it is because of this that she is such an intriguing character to me.

     She has good points too: She is fiercely independent, she has (mostly) unwavering faith in herself, she has to capacity to be good to people, and she embraces the necessary power demanded by her position (future Queen of Illea). Yet these features aren't exaggerated, and they aren't used to wash out the bad things about her. There is ample evidence of her vainness, and unwillingness to change herself or let herself be changed, especially in the beginning of the novel (by the end she has become more flexible, but only slightly), and of the coldness around her heart. Yet, that is what good moments so wonderful. Eadlyn is a protagonist who is allowed to be cruel, who is allowed to be distant, who is allowed to be cold and calculating, who is allowed to be desperate for control all the time. We know that she is often a good person, that there is nothing truly evil about her, but we see characters who don't see her goodness, who only see her bad. And we can identify with them. We can understand seeing only her flaws. But even when she's completely horrible, she's not an ironic anti-hero. She's still the hero, and it's still undoubtedly the same character. Many times when a protagonist is portrayed as momentarily bad, or an antagonist as momentarily good, you see a completely different character. But with Eadlyn, no matter what situation she's in, or if she's being presented as good or bad, it's still unmistakably her. It's quite satisfying really.

Surprise Fanfic

Hey guys!! It's Chloe, Heather's friend. I hacked her blog, and I thought that you might enjoy a fanfiction about us.

 

The Adventures of Two Cats That Sat On A Windowsill One Day

 

Once upon a Pizza, there lived a magnificent Pegacorn and a Frog. The Pegacorn's name was Heather, and the Frog's name was Pepe. One day, they decided to go to the woods. then, they ran really far, holding hands and laughing maniacally. When they got to a river, they both cut their fingers, and poured their blood nto the river.

          "We're blood brothers now," Pepe whispered in Heather's ear.
To be continued...